The Science of Friendship

What over a decade of friendship research reveals about connections, relationship resilience, and the importance of making—and keeping—friends as an adult.

Uncovering connection truths ——————————

There are (at least!) two connection truths I’ve discovered as a Clinical Psychologist and Friendship Researcher:

  1. Our friendships are one of the most important predictors of our health and happiness.

  2. Many of us don’t actually know how to make, keep, and support friends, or even end our friendships when they’re no longer healthy.

I first began researching adult friendships over a decade ago for my Ph.D. in clinical psychology at McGill University. Through hundreds of interviews, endless hours of coding, and the support of some really wonderful people, I’ve been able to identify some clear relationship patterns and friendship truths, including:

  • The difficult yet common situations that come up in adult friendships

  • How we respond to conflicts and difficulties with friends

  • How we should manage friendship challenges to build stronger, closer connections

This friendship research became the foundation for the speaking and consulting I do today on the power of connection and belonging. It also helped me to create a friendship competence questionnaire that can be used in research and clinical settings as an assessment tool to help others who are struggling to keep and make  friends as an adult.

“I’m a big believer that research should be accessible beyond the walls of academia and that everyone should have access to mental health and relationship resources outside of a therapist’s office.”

Dr. Miriam Kirmayer

CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGIST & FRIENDSHIP EXPERT

The Friendship Competence Questionnaire

This one-of-a-kind, empirically validated questionnaire assesses how good we are at navigating the most important challenges we face in our close friendships.

Healthy connections are part art and part science. I created the IFCEA to help researchers, clinicians, and people alike better understand how to make friendships work—and stay connected.

This assessment, and the research behind it, covers critical questions like:

What are the best ways to make new friends as an adult?

How do we keep our friends close when life gets busy?

How can we support our friends and connections when they are struggling?

How should we apologize when we let a friend down?

What should we say or do when a friend has hurt or betrayed us?

How do we navigate challenging situations in the face of differing ideas, values, and perspectives?

Through my writing, speaking, and consulting, I’m grateful for the ability to draw on this research along with my appreciation for data-driven insights to help others cultivate closer relationships, strengthen their resilience, and turn everyday exchanges into opportunities for deeper connection and belonging. 

Note of Gratitude: My friendship research has been generously supported by the Social Sciences and Humanities Research Council of Canada (SSHRC) and the Fond québécois de la recherche sur la société et la culture (FQRSC).

Curious to learn more about applying the science of friendship and connection in your life? Explore my most read publications!

PRESS & MEDIA CONTRIBUTIONS

Featured interviews, articles, and guidance that change the way we think about our friendships and connections.

ACADEMIC PUBLICATIONS

Dr. Miriam has studied the science of friendship for over a decade, contributing to many academic publications.

THE FRIENDSHIP REPORT

A massive global study around friendship, conducted in collaboration with Snap, Inc.

speaking of friendship

Sharing the Science of Friendship and Connection

As a keynote speaker and friendship expert, I help people, teams, and organizations navigate, strengthen, and celebrate the connections that count.

My work on friendship has led to some incredibly meaningful collaborations with organizations that are passionate about human connection, mental health, and belonging.

I regularly speak at corporate conferences, organizational events, leadership summits, and leading academic and healthcare institutions, with clients including The Aspen Institute, The Atlantic's In Pursuit Of Happiness summit, Canadian Women in Medicine, The Foundation For Social Connection, The Government of Canada, Entrepreneurs’ Organization, and YPO.

I’ve consulted on global friendship studies and am a resident Friendship Expert for Psychology Today.  I am also on the Mental Health Advisory Board for Wondermind, a forward-thinking mental fitness company co-founded by Selena Gomez and Mandy Teefey.

Want to learn more?

If you’re interested in strengthening your friendships, teams, and workplaces, sign up for my newsletter and be sure to join my social media community.

Keynotes & Workshops

Put the science of friendship and connection to work at work.

I regularly tailor my friendship research into high-impact keynotes, workshops, and trainings.

get dr. miriam’s guide ———————-

5 Ways to Create Connections That Count

With 5 actionable steps and mindset shifts you can take to build better friendships and closer connections — at work, at home, and everywhere in between.