Therapist Dr. Miriam Kirmayer suggests paying attention to the ‘shoulds’ you hold around friendship as you deal with difficult relationships.

When it gets cold out, it’s easy to “cocoon ourselves” at home, says Dr. Miriam Kirmayer, but friendships are, unsurprisingly, “essential for our health and well-being.”

It's tempting to focus on the missteps of others when a relationship begins to feel negative, but therapist and friendship researcher Miriam Kirmayer says it's important to examine your own role in the dynamic, too.

Dr. Miriam Kirmayer says it's not about keeping different spheres of your life separate from each other, but expanding so you can each bring your best self to the relationship.

"As anyone who has ever struggled with anxiety will tell you, it’s not comfortable," says Dr. Miriam Kirmayer. "That’s why having an arsenal of coping strategies or small 'hacks' can help.”

Instead of skipping the “sorry”, you need to actually say the words to convey that you're sorry, say Dr. Miriam Kirmayer.

"When we talk about toxic friendships, we are typically referring to a more stable pattern or way of relating, as opposed to a one-time thing or more transient conflict," says Dr. Miriam Kirmayer.

"If a friend repeatedly expects us to be there for them but doesn't give us anything substantial in return, it’s a sign the friendship is unhealthy and might need to be re-evaluated," says researcher Dr. Miriam Kirmayer.

“A sense of belonging and togetherness is a fundamental human need that we have,” says Dr. Miriam Kirmayer. So when you’re thinking about what you want more of in 2024, don’t forget about connection.

If you feel like the good-time friend, that’s not always a bad thing, but see if you have any other connections that allow you to be vulnerable and feel more balanced, Dr. Miriam Kirmayer suggests.